Some seasons make you pause.
Other seasons make you question everything.
The first half of 2025 placed me right in the midst of the pause and the question… and not in a gentle way. It was heavy. Full of reflection, sprinkled with loss, and dipped in thought provoking questions you don’t want to answer out loud, like…
Should I have a will?
If something happened to me… who should get my things?
When things feel uncertain, the mind wanders to unexpected places. But it wasn’t just about legacy. I became hyper focused on time and all the questions it brings. Who it “belonged” or “belongs” to, what it conceptually “meant” or “means” and if it even “mattered” or “matters” at all? Time has this arising call to demand something from us, whether we are ready or not.
There are plenty of reasons why time is interesting, the way it demands something from us whether we’re ready or not. Various people have even devoted large portions of their lives researching and philosophizing the idea of time, can you travel within it, is it relative or linear and I’m sure much much more. Time’s ability to be misconstrued is paramount. Sometimes it is there, sometimes it is not. Sometimes you can plan for it well, but other times it slips through your fingers like water, and dries up like it never even existed in the first place. I mean… honestly, I sometimes even erase from my memories the time I spent doing all the things like I have access to MiB Agent K’s flash neuralyzer. When reality set’s in, I often lean on birthdays and deaths as the ultimate vibe check that tends to encourage an attempt of rediscovery of my time and the practices of preserving and treating it, well, like it’s even relevant at all. Kinda like an evaluation check point, elevating goal progress and what that “dash” is looking like. And even though the selective memory is real, I truly think that each stride I have made in life has meaning, whether I recognized(in real time or later) the gravitas of it or not, it surely exists. But kinda in a BigFoot kinda way.
My best response to all of this, for me, was to run.
So I ran…a little literally and maybe figuratively too. Maybe random, but maybe, I found… not. There is a dedicated freedom in the run. And while not new to me, there was newness in the restating.
After an evening with friends, I was encouraged… maybe invited to run a 5k. Seemed interesting, so why not. After hyping myself up, I conquered a fear of getting on a treadmill and followed the moving belts encouragement. In full disclosure, it started as a speed walk, very hesitantly. But… 5 days later, there I stood amidst a runner’s crowd at the starting line of the Cleveland Marathon’s 5k Race. Running shoes, not so much, but runners attitude, apprehensive, on 10. As the race started and we all took off, there was this invisible encouragement as my soles repeatedly hit the pavement. That day, I ran the best time I had all week. It was a 40 minute burst of energy I forget I could gift to myself.
Ultimately, it was a reminder to my psyche that if I put my mind to and go for it, courtesy of Hot Sundae, of course, and confirmed that I can actually do new and challenging things, which was a really important concept to remind myself of. The concept of the run is layered, but such an endearing community. It’s the quintessential work out that some gravitate to when there are pounds that need shedding, it is the quick fled process when in possible danger, or maybe the chase after someone to be caught. Could be a movement toward or movement from, or… sometimes just… the movement. Regardless… all relevant.
In the 1990’s, movie The Bodyguard and its accompanying soundtrack features a song. A song about running. But not just that… a song about the want to run… a song about something worth the run… a song about all the feels inspiring the run and the accompanying motion behind. And if you grew up in a Whitney Houston fan household, like I did, her soundtrack song, Run To You holds a special place in my heart. Originally written as a breakup song, the lyrics were revamped to be a love song for the movie and Houston’s recording. Matched up with the movie visuals, the concept of the human pull towards, hinges on the concept of the run even more. And I like it. It’s invigorating… It’s competitive… It’s motivational… It gets the people going! The best kind of the run has got to be the run towards, whether it’s a person, a moment, a thing, a feeling… an idea… a (you fill in the blank) You gotta have it! AND… if it comes at the right time, it’s even better. Because, I believe, there is a time… for… everything. And while sometimes the urge to go is real, if it’s not the time for it… forget about it! Real bible readers know.
There is a time for everything.
Real bible readers also know, and I can attest to this, that sometimes you don’t really like to take the whole context of the text to heart. But in light of this season, and honestly, every season, *Ecclesiastes 3 has provided the comfort and assurance that matches the moments as they have arrived, both in hindsight and real time. So I thought sharing is caring, because this is exactly where I am and should be. And honestly, the story of my life has been a range of existing in the “thesis” and the “antithesis” of. Here and there. Inside and out. Near and far. And I’m glad to be invited to both places… It is the ultimate FeelSpace. The perspective life seems to slip in can be insightful when you need it most. Tensions of time are forever teaching when the studious are open to learn. This season taught me that time is not something we spend, it’s something we feel. The dash of life sometimes seems short, but it’s the longest opportunity we have to make an impact, yes for ourselves, but for others too. It’s up to us to move through the grief and gratitude, the quiet and the quintessential, the frustration and the fun, all in their proper, appointed time. We don’t always get to choose what time hands us. But we can choose how we hold it.
We can hold it with care
We can hold it with intentions
We can move with it
We can run…
Towards healing… purpose and truth, believing something beautiful is waiting on the other side.
mj
*For reference…
“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace. What do people really get for all their hard work? I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God. And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear him. What is happening now has happened before, and what will happen in the future has happened before, because God makes the same things happen over and over again. I also noticed that under the sun there is evil in the courtroom. Yes, even the courts of law are corrupt! I said to myself, “In due season God will judge everyone, both good and bad, for all their deeds.” I also thought about the human condition—how God proves to people that they are like animals. For people and animals share the same fate—both breathe and both must die. So people have no real advantage over the animals. How meaningless! Both go to the same place—they came from dust and they return to dust. For who can prove that the human spirit goes up and the spirit of animals goes down into the earth? So I saw that there is nothing better for people than to be happy in their work. That is our lot in life. And no one can bring us back to see what happens after we die.”
Ecclesiastes 3:1-22 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/ecc.3.1-22.NLT
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